Mother In-laws may be universally intimidating and frustrating. A geographically widespread practice known as avoidance speech, or “mother-in-law languages,” imposes strict rules on how one speaks to the parents of a spouse, with daughters-in-law typically bearing the brunt of such limits.
In parts of Africa, Australia, and India, some societies restrict the words a person can say after marriage.
Some cultures have even barred all direct communication with parents-in-law.
Some married women who speak the Kambaata language of Ethiopia follow ballishsha, a rule that forbids them from using words that begin with the same syllable as the name of their father-in-law or mother-in-law.
Aboriginal custom all over Australia bans a person from talking directly to their mother-in-law.
This rule applies to both men and women talking to their mother-in-law. Perhaps this rule was developed to overcome such a common cause of friction in families when a husband or wife has to endure many years of disagreement or argument from their mother-in-law! To allow this rule to work, communication took place via a third person.
So, if you wanted your mother-in-law to do something for you, you might ask your spouse or another person: “Please ask your mother (so and so) to do (so and so) for me”.
When food was divided and shared around campfires, a mother-in-law had a small fire of her own separate from her son-in-law or daughter-in-law and their spouse.
Her own daughter or son would chat and bring over some of the meat, or perhaps a grandchild would sit with her and act as a messenger between herself and her daughter or son’s partner.
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